Thoughtless
by kireiflora
Summary: I wonder what time it is. He didn't look away from the pen, thought lost as quickly as it was formed.


So this is basically just a vent fic from a time I felt like this and thought it fit Yuuri pretty well.

* * *

Yuuri took a step towards his skates, then stopped. Grabbed a piece of paper and pencil, then stopped. Grabbed his phone up and opened an app, stopped, opened a different app, stopped, opened another app, stopped, put down the phone.

He took a step towards his door, thinking of playing with Makkachin, and stopped.

He took a deep breath and just tried to let it all out.

Opened his computer and started browsing, then stopped.

Closed his computer and put his head down on the desk, defeated.

He grabbed his DS and started up the game, played for a few minutes, saved, and put it back down.

He put his head back down on the desk.

Grabbed his phone, opened his messages, flipped between a few different people and half-typed a message, then stopped and put it down.

He tapped a random rhythm on his desk, then stopped. He picked up his phone and put music on.

Before it was even halfway over, he stopped it.

He grabbed a book, mindlessly flipped through it a bit, tried to read, gave up and stopped.

He didn't understand what was wrong with him. There were a million things he wanted to do, things he would enjoy doing, but every time he tried to do any of them his brain just screamed at him to stop.

He opened youtube, searched a few random interesting things, saw nothing of interest and stopped.

He grabbed a random pen, and mindlessly took it apart and put it back together.

He didn't stop.

He tried again, picking up the DS, but didn't even manage to get through the first loading screen before putting it back down and picking up the pen again.

 _I guess this is my life now._ He didn't really have any thoughts to get lost in either, just...the pen. Mindlessly taking it apart into its pieces and putting it back together. Not a single thought drifting through his head. _Sure would be nice to be able to do something._ Was the next thought that floated through his brain what could've been hours later.

He was just about to start taking the pen apart again when he heard footsteps, setting it down instead and leaning back, feeling like he was moving in horrendously slow motion.

"Yuuri! Want to come out with us?" Victor asked, leaning into his room. "We're gonna go to a bar." he knew he wasn't but it felt like Victor was saying a word a minute, his brain getting stuck and caught up in trying to process it.

"No thanks." at least that was true, he had no interest in drinking right now.

Victor started to pull back before he stopped, "Yuuri, you okay?" he asked, taking in the lack of...anything going on in the room. He still sounded like he was talking slow.

"Fine." he didn't feel fully aware of the conversation, he could've been silent for five minutes for all he knew. "Just...tired I think." that wasn't really right either.

Victor frowned, unsure if he should really leave him alone. "Get some rest then...if you change your mind or need anything, don't hesitate to text." he finally shut the door, still frowning.

Yuuri went back to the pen, and his thoughts drifted back to nothing.

Twist, pull, small tink of setting it down, flip, twist, fiddle with the spring a little bit, set it all down. Move it around on the table a bit, pick it up, put it in, twist, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Nothing but the pen. Look at it more closely, analyze how it works, fiddle with it, take it apart and put it together without a piece, see if it still works.

Twist, pull, tink, flip, twist, tink, twist, push, twist, push, twist, click, click, click.

 _I wonder what time it is._ He didn't look away from the pen, thought lost as quickly as it was formed.

Twist, pull, tink, flip, pull, tink, twist, tink, tink tink tink tink, push, twist, tink, push, push, twist, click click click. Tink tink tink.

He was vaguely aware he was, of course, the one messing with the pen, but it started to feel as though it wasn't actually him messing with the pen. Like it was someone else's hands.

Tink, twist, pull, tink tink, push, twist, twist, push, twist, click click.

Nothing outside of the pen existed. His room could be on fire and he would probably still sit here, playing with the pen.

Tink tink tink, twist, pull, twist, tink, pull, twist, tink.

He stared at the pieces of the pen on the desk.

Scratch, tink, scratch.

That looked better.

Pull, push, twist, twist, push, twist, click click click.

A weight settled onto his lap, startling him away from the pen.

He looked down, seeing Makkachin's head just sitting in his lap.

He set the pen down, instead petting Makkachin and trying to pull him up into his lap more as he did so.

Shwoo, shwoo, scratch scratch scratch, shwoo, shwoo, scratch, schwoo.

Eventually Makkachin pulled away, curling up on his bed instead.

He grabbed his phone, flipped through a few apps, put it down.

He opened his laptop again, youtube still opened. Searched new terms, found a video. The audio drifted through his speakers.

He remained on youtube, watching whatever caught his eye with more attention.

Until eventually he stopped and sighed, grabbed his DS, and finally, was able to just play the game, slowly migrating over to the bed.

"Yuuri? I thought you were tired?" Victor's speech was just a tad slurred, he hadn't drunk much by the sound of it.

He made a noncommittal sound, not up to speaking.

"You stole my Makkachin!" he objected, pointing at the sleeping dog.

He grabbed a fistful of the fur wordlessly, not looking away from his game.

"Yuuuuuuuri." he whined.

He pulled Makkachin into his lap fully, still not looking away.

Victor stepped into his room, and immediately tripped and flopped onto the bed next to him.

He shimmied slightly away from the lump next to him. _My dog._ He thought at the man.

Victor made a grabbing motion but missed the mark by a wide margin.

 _Mine._ he thought again, scooting further way.

"Yuuri you're gonna fall off the bed." Victor complained.

He ignored him.

"Yuuuuri~" he whined louder.

Yuuri closed the game faintly aware of irritation in his blood, tossing his DS the couple feet to the floor, and crossed back to his desk, leaving the man to Makkachin as he picked up the pen again.

He didn't even look at it as he worked this time, staring blankly at his wall.

Twist, pull, tink, twist, pull, tink tink tink, twist, push, push, twist, click click clickclickclick.

"Yuuri?" he sounded more sober and aware now, and possibly worried.

He ignored him.

Twist, pull, tink, tink tink tink, pull….push, twist, push, click click click.

"Yuuri?" he was very close now, and reached out and plucked the pen from his fingers.

He felt more than he heard the distressed noise he made, reaction feeling like he was moving through molasses but still grabbing at the pen.

It was quickly handed back to him and he returned to it, going faster now.

Twist pull tink pull twist...push twist push twist click..

Twistpulltinkpulltwistpushtwistpushtwistclick click click.

"Yuu-ri, you're worrying me."

He dragged his gaze from the wall, which took far more effort than it should he was dimly aware of, to look at Victor. He looked worried, though still flushed from the alcohol.

"'M fine." he managed, not wanting him to look worried like that.

Twist pull tink twist pull...twist push twist, click click click.

He looked very unsure. "Wanna cuddle Makkachin?" he offered.

Tink tink tink tink…

He thought it over, very slowly as that was the only speed his brain seemed to be working at. Before finally deciding that sounded good, pushing himself back up to his feet and over to the bed, wrapping his arms around the big dog and leaning heavily on him.

There was a long stretch of silence before Victor's hand was suddenly on his back.

He jumped slightly, but didn't do anything to stop him as Victor started rubbing circles on his back.

He drifted off like that.

* * *

I think it's disassociation but can't be sure honestly.


End file.
